SCENE 3: THE SAME. — Shakespeare Retold

[Knocking within. Enter a Porter]

PORTER

Here's a knocking indeed! If a man

That’s an awful lot of knocking! If a man

were porter of hell-gate, he should have

was gateman at the gates of hell, he’d have

old turning the key.

to turn the key a lot!

[Knocking within]

Knock, knock, knock! Who's there, i' the name of

Knock, knock, knock! Who’s there, in the name of

Beelzebub? Here's a farmer, that hanged

the devil?! It’s a farmer who hanged himself

himself on the expectation of plenty:

whose crops devalued on a bumper harvest.

come in time; have napkins enow about you;

You’re just in time! Be sure to carry hankies,

here you'll sweat for't.

for you’ll sweat down here in hell!

[Knocking within]

Knock, knock!

Who's there, in the other devil's name?

Who’s there, in the other devil’s name?

Faith, here's an equivocator, that could

Ah, here’s a waffler, capable of waffling

swear in both the scales against either scale;

for both sides of a legal argument;

who committed treason enough for God's sake,

who lied about his faith in front of God,

yet could not equivocate to heaven:

but couldn’t lie or blag his way to heaven.

O, come in, equivocator.

Oh, come in, waffler!

[Knocking within]

Knock,knock, knock! Who's there? Faith, here's an

Knock, knock, knock! Who’s there? Ah, here’s a

English tailor come hither, for stealing out of

cheating English tailor, who can’t steal excess fabric

a French hose: come in, tailor; here you may

now clothes are worn tight. Come in, tailor! You can

roast your goose.

heat your tailor’s iron here.

[Knocking within]

Knock, knock; never at quiet! What are you?

Knock, knock; it’s never quiet! Who are you?

But this place is too cold for hell.

I'll devil-porter it no further: I had thought to

I won’t be the gatekeeper of hell any longer. I’d have to

have let in some of all professions that go the

let every type of worker that there is

primrose way to the everlasting bonfire.

to walk this pathway to eternal hell.

[Knocking within]

Anon, anon! I pray you, remember the porter.

I’m coming! And don’t forget to tip the porter.

[Opens the gate]

[Enter MACDUFF and LENNOX]

MACDUFF

Was it so late, friend, ere you went to bed,

Was it so late before you went to bed, friend,

That you do lie so late?

That you’ve slept in so late?

PORTER

'Faith sir, we were carousing till the

In truth sir, we were boozing up until

second cock: and drink, sir, is a great

the cockerel crowed a second time; and drink, sir

provoker of three things.

is good at making three things happen.

MACDUFF

What three things does drink especially provoke?

PORTER

Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and

Well, sir, it turns your nose red, makes you sleep, and

urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;

wet the bed. It helps and hinders lechery,

it provokes the desire, but it takes

for it makes you randy, but it takes away

away the performance: therefore, much drink

ability to perform. Therefore, too much drink

may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:

can trick your sexual interests with deception:

it makes him, and it mars him; it sets

it gives confidence, but reduces performance; it makes

him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,

him randy, then disinterested; it persuades him

and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and

then disheartens him; it gives him an erection, then

not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him

go floppy; in conclusion, it deceives him

in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.

to make him fall asleep, then leaves him there.

MACDUFF

I believe drink gave thee the lie last night.

I think drink did all three to you last night.

PORTER

That it did, sir, i' the very throat on me:

Yes it did, sir; got me good and proper;

but I requited him for his lie; and, I

but I got my own back on it, as I

think, being too strong for him, though he took

think, I was too strong for it, although it took

up my legs sometime, yet I made a shift to cast

my legs from under me, but I corrected myself

him.

to stay stood up.

MACDUFF

Is thy master stirring?

Is your master waking up?

[Enter MACBETH]

Our knocking has awaked him; here he comes.

Our knocking has awakened him; he’s coming.

LENNOX

Good morrow, noble sir.

Good morning, noble sir.

MACBETH

Good morrow, both.

Good morning, both.

MACDUFF

Is the king stirring, worthy thane?

MACBETH

Not yet.

MACDUFF

He did command me to call timely on him:

He told me I should wake him in good time;

I have almost slipped the hour.

I’m almost late an hour.

MACBETH

I'll bring you to him.

I’ll take you to him.

MACDUFF

I know this is a joyful trouble to you;

I know hosting the king is a pain and pleasure;

But yet 'tis one.

It’ s certainly a pain.

MACBETH

The labour we delight in physics pain.

The jobs we like to do don’t feel like work.

This is the door.

MACDUFF

I'll make so bold to call,

I’ll be so bold to wake him,

For 'tis my limited service.

For that’s my only job.

[Exit]

LENNOX

Goes the king hence to-day?

Is the king leaving today?

MACBETH

He does: he did appoint so.

He is; he told us so.

LENNOX

The night has been unruly: where we lay,

It was a wild night: where we were sleeping

Our chimneys were blown down; and, as they say,

Our chimneys were blown down; and, people said

Lamentings heard i' the air; strange screams of death,

They heard sad crying in the air, like death screams,

And prophesying with accents terrible

And terrifying voices prophesying

Of dire combustion and confused events

Of deadly fires and strange occurrences

New hatched to the woeful time: the obscure bird

That makes our future awful; and the owl

Clamoured the livelong night: some say, the earth

Screeched through the endless night. Some said the earth

Was feverous and did shake.

Was sick and shook.

MACBETH

'Twas a rough night.

It was an awful night.

LENNOX

My young remembrance cannot parallel

My youthful days cannot recall another

A fellow to it.

As bad as it.

[Re-enter MACDUFF]

MACDUFF

O horror, horror, horror! Tongue nor heart

Oh, horror, horror! I can’t speak or think

Cannot conceive nor name thee!

To comprehend or name this!

MACBETH & LENNOX

What's the matter.

What’s the matter?

MACDUFF

Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!

This is the most confusing thing of all time!

Most sacrilegious murder hath broke ope

An awful, profane murderer has broke open

The Lord's anointed temple, and stole thence

The king’s own sanctuary, and taken from it

The life o' the building!

All life within the room!

MACBETH

What is 't you say? The life?

What do you mean, “life?”

LENNOX

Mean you his majesty?

You mean his majesty?

MACDUFF

Approach the chamber, and destroy your sight

Look in the room, and lose your sight as though

With a new Gorgon: do not bid me speak;

Medussa’s made you stone; don’t ask that I speak.

See, and then speak yourselves.

Look for yourself, then speak.

[Exeunt MACBETH and LENNOX]

Awake, awake!

Wake up, wake up!

Ring the alarum-bell. Murder and treason!

Ring the alarm-bell! Murder and treason!

Banquo and Donalbain! Malcolm! Awake!

Banquo and Donalbain! Malcolm! Wake up!

Shake off this downy sleep, death's counterfeit,

Shake off your sleepiness, a fake of death,

And look on death itself! Up, up, and see

And look at death itself! Get up and see

The great doom's image! Malcolm! Banquo!

The sight of Doomsday! Malcolm! Banquo!

As from your graves rise up, and walk like sprites,

Rise up, like from your graves, and walk like ghosts

To countenance this horror! Ring the bell.

To see this horror for yourselves! Ring the bell!

[Bell rings]

[Enter LADY MACBETH]

LADY MACBETH

What's the business,

What’s going on

That such a hideous trumpet calls to parley

That such a dreadful noise is made to wake up

The sleepers of the house? Speak, speak!

The sleeping people in this house? Speak up!

MACDUFF

O gentle lady,

Oh gentle lady,

'Tis not for you to hear what I can speak:

You mustn’t hear what I have got to say,

The repetition, in a woman's ear,

For if a gentle woman were to hear it,

Would murder as it fell.

She’d die hearing the words.

[Enter BANQUO]

O Banquo, Banquo,

Oh Banquo, Banquo!

Our royal master's murdered!

The King, our master’s, murdered!

LADY MACBETH

Woe, alas!

Oh, that’s awful!

What, in our house?

BANQUO

Too cruel any where.

It’s awful anywhere.

Dear Duff, I prithee, contradict thyself,

Macduff, I beg you, contradict yourself

And say it is not so.

And say this isn’t so.

[Re-enter MACBETH and LENNOX, with ROSS]

MACBETH

Had I but died an hour before this chance,

If I had died an hour before this happened

I had lived a blessed time; for, from this instant,

I would have lived a charmed life; but from now on,

There's nothing serious in mortality:

There’s nothing worthwhile living anymore.

All is but toys: renown and grace is dead;

Life is a joke; our gracious king is dead;

The wine of life is drawn, and the mere lees

The wine of life is drunk, and all that’s left

Is left this vault to brag of.

To brag of is an empty cellar.

[Enter MALCOLM and DONALBAIN]

DONALBAIN

What is amiss?

What’s wrong?

MACBETH

You are, and do not know't:

You are, but you don’t know it yet:

The spring, the head, the fountain of your blood

Your source of life that gave you royal blood

Is stopped; the very source of it is stopped.

Has stopped; the actual source of it has stopped.

MACDUFF

Your royal father's murdered.

Your royal father’s murdered.

MALCOLM

O, by whom?

Oh, by whom?

LENNOX

Those of his chamber, as it seemed, had done 't:

It seems the men within his bedroom did it:

Their hands and faces were an badged with blood;

Their hands and faces were splattered with blood;

So were their daggers, which unwiped we found

So were their daggers, which we found unwiped

Upon their pillows:

Upon their pillows.

They stared, and were distracted; no man's life

They stared at us, distracted; no one’s life

Was to be trusted with them.

Should have been trusted to them.

MACBETH

O, yet I do repent me of my fury,

Oh, now I’m sorry what I did through anger,

That I did kill them.

But I have killed them all.

MACDUFF

Wherefore did you so?

Why did you do that?

MACBETH

Who can be wise, amazed, temperate and furious,

Who can be wise, amazed, balanced and furious,

Loyal and neutral, in a moment? No man:

Loyal and neutral, at the same time? No one:

The expedition my violent love

The hastiness that comes from passionate love

Outrun the pauser, reason. Here lay Duncan,

Outran my sense of reason. Here was Duncan,

His silver skin laced with his golden blood;

His pallid skin daubed with his regal blood;

And his gashed stabs looked like a breach in nature

And stab-wound gashes seemed almost unnatural

For ruin's wasteful entrance: there, the murderers,

By how they entered wastefully. The murderers,

Steeped in the colours of their trade, their daggers

Covered in blood from what they’d done, their daggers

Unmannerly breeched with gore: who could refrain,

Cowardly dripping flesh: who could resist,

That had a heart to love, and in that heart

Whoever had loved Duncan, and who had

Courage to make's love known?

The courage to display it?

LADY MACBETH

Help me hence, ho!

Help me now, please!

MACDUFF

Look to the lady.

Look after her.

MALCOLM

[Aside to DONALBAIN]

Why do we hold our tongues,

How come we are not speaking,

That most may claim this argument for ours?

As others talk of what affects us most?

DONALBAIN

[Aside to MALCOLM]

What should be spoken here, where our fate,

What should we be saying here when our fate

Hid in an auger-hole, may rush, and seize us?

May be hidden, then surprise us in ambush?

Let's away; our tears are not yet brewed.

Let’s leave; we’ve not had time to mourn.

MALCOLM

[Aside to DONALBAIN]

Nor our strong sorrow upon the foot of motion.

Nor put our sorrow to action for revenge.

BANQUO

Look to the lady:

Look after the lady.

[LADY MACBETH is carried out]

And when we have our naked frailties hid,

And when we’re fully dressed—unlike we are now,

That suffer in exposure, let us meet,

Suffering in the cold—let’s all meet up

And question this most bloody piece of work,

And talk about this bloody awful act

To know it further. Fears and scruples shake us:

To learn more. Fears and doubts are shaking us:

In the great hand of God I stand; and thence

God’s on my side, protecting me; and so,

Against the undivulged pretence I fight

I’ll fight to find the secrecies behind

Of treasonous malice.

This treasonous action.

MACDUFF

And so do I.

And so will I.

ALL

So all.

We all will.

MACBETH

Let's briefly put on manly readiness,

Let’s quickly all get dressed and be prepared,

And meet i' the hall together.

And meet up in the hall together.

ALL

Well contented.

Yes, let’s.

[Exeunt all but Malcolm and Donalbain.]

MALCOLM

What will you do? Let's not consort with them:

What will you do? Let’s not stay here with them.

To show an unfelt sorrow is an office

To look as though you’re sad is easy for

Which the false man does easy. I'll to England.

A man who is a liar. I’m going to England.

DONALBAIN

To Ireland, I; our separated fortune

I’ll go to Ireland, for our fate apart

Shall keep us both the safer: where we are,

Will keep us safer. And here, within the castle,

There's daggers in men's smiles: the near in blood,

The smiling men have daggers. Nearer the dead king,

The nearer bloody.

The nearer we are to death.

MALCOLM

This murderous shaft that's shot

Their murderous plan

Hath not yet lighted, and our safest way

Is not yet fully formed, and we are safest

Is to avoid the aim. Therefore, to horse;

To not be here when it is. Let’s take horses,

And let us not be dainty of leave-taking,

And not be slow, politely leaving here,

But shift away: there's warrant in that theft

But let’s rush off. It’s worth stealing a horse,

Which steals itself, when there's no mercy left.

For theft is fair when mercy’s run its course.

[Exeunt]