ACT 3
[Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour]
VIOLA
Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou
God bless you and your music, friend. Do you
live by thy tabour?
live by tabour drum?
CLOWN
No, sir, I live by the church.
No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA
Art thou a churchman?
Are you a churchman?
CLOWN
No such matter, sir: I do live by the church;
Oh, no, sir, but I do live by the church,
for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand
for I live in my house, and my house stands
by the church.
beside the church.
VIOLA
So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
So you could say the king lives by a beggar
beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy
who lives nearby; the church could be beside
tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.
your tabour if your tabour’s by the church.
CLOWN
You have said, sir. To see this age!
You’ve got it, sir! How great to be alive!
A sentence is but a cheveril glove to a good wit:
A funny sentence is just like a glove;
how quickly the wrong side may be turned outward!
one can invert it quickly inside-out.
VIOLA
Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with words
Well, that’s for sure. For those that play with words
may quickly make them wanton.
can quickly make them contradictory.
CLOWN
I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
And so I wish my sister had no name, sir.
VIOLA
Why, man?
Why, mate?
CLOWN
Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
Well, sir, her name’s a word, and changing it
word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
might make her sound promiscuous. It’s true
are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.
that words are bad since contracts make them awful.
VIOLA
Thy reason, man?
What is your reason, mate?
CLOWN
Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words;
Sir, truly, I can’t reason without words,
and words are grown so false,
and as no one believes words anymore,
I am loath to prove reason with them.
I’m loathed to reason with them.
VIOLA
I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.
You are a happy chap; I bet you’re carefree.
CLOWN
Not so, sir, I do care for something;
Not true, dear sir, for I do care for something,
but in my conscience, sir, I do not care for you:
but if I’m honest, I don’t care for you.
if that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
For if I was carefree, you’d disappear.
VIOLA
Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?
Aren’t you Lady Olivia’s fool?
CLOWN
No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly:
Oh no, sir, for she never wants to laugh.
she will keep no fool, sir, till she be married;
She’ll have no fool until the day she’s married,
and fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to herrings;
and fools to men are pilchards to a herring:
the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
the husband’s bigger. And, indeed, I'm not
her fool, but her corrupter of words.
her fool, but I corrupt her words.
VIOLA
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
I saw you recently at Count Orsino’s.
CLOWN
Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
My foolery goes round the earth, like sun
it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
shines everywhere. I’m sorry, sir, but I
the fool should be as oft with your master as with
should now be with your master just as often
my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.
as with my mistress. Wise man, I saw you there.
VIOLA
Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.
Oh no, if you make fun of me, I’ll leave you.
Hold, there's expenses for thee.
Wait there, here is some money for your troubles.
CLOWN
Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
May God—next time he gives out hair—give you a beard!
VIOLA
By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for one;
I tell you, I am desperate for a beard,
[Aside]
though I would not have it grow on my chin.
although I do not want it on my chin.
Is thy lady within?
Is your lady inside?
CLOWN
Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
Is there another coin from where this came from?
VIOLA
Yes, being kept together and put to use.
Yes, if invested wisely, earning interest.
CLOWN
I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
I’d be the go-between, like Lord Pandarus,
a Cressida to this Troilus.
to match a female coin with this here male one.
VIOLA
I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.
I get your gist now, sir. You’ve begged it well.
CLOWN
The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar:
It’s no big deal, sir, begging from a beggar,
Cressida was a beggar. My lady
for Cressida—this coin—once begged. My lady
is within, sir. I will construe to them whence you come;
is inside; I will tell her where you’ve come from.
who you are and what you would are out of my welkin,
Your name and business are beyond my remit;
I might say 'element', but the word is over-worn.
I could say “element”, but that’s too common.
[Exit]
VIOLA
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
This chap is smart enough to act the fool,
And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
And acting well requires intelligence.
He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
He must assess the mood of those he mocks,
The quality of persons, and the time,
The type of person, and the time of day,
And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather
And, like an untrained hawk, avoid distraction,
That comes before his eye. This is a practise
Retaining focus on his task. This skill
As full of labour as a wise man's art
Is just as hard as every wise man’s job;
For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
For telling jokes this well is difficult;
But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.
When wise men’s jokes fall flat, it leaves them scarred.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Save you, gentleman.
Good day, gentleman.
VIOLA
And you, sir.
Good day to you, sir.
SIR ANDREW
Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
VIOLA
Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.
Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur!
SIR ANDREW
I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
I hope you are, sir; I am yours as well.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Will you encounter the house? My niece
Will you be entering the house? My niece
is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.
is very keen, if that is why you’re here.
VIOLA
I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
I’m heading for your niece; I mean she is
list of my voyage.
the final destination on my journey.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
Try out your legs, sir; put them into motion.
VIOLA
My legs do better understand me, sir, than
My legs stand under me far better than
I understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
I understand your meaning, “try my legs”.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I mean, to go, sir, to enter.
I mean, start walking, sir. Just go inside.
VIOLA
I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we
I’ll answer you by walking in, although
are prevented.
there’s now no need.
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
Most wonderfully accomplished lady, may rain
odours on you!
shower lovely odours on you!
SIR ANDREW
That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.
That youth is charming; “shower lovely odours”.
VIOLA
My matter hath no voice, to your own
My message is for no one else but you,
most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.
my lady, for your willing, shielded ear.
SIR ANDREW
'Odours', 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:'
“Odours”, “willing”, and “shielded”.
I'll get 'em all three all ready.
I’ll make a note of them and use them later.
OLIVIA
Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
Go shut the gate, and leave me here to listen.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA]
Give me your hand, sir.
Give me your hand, sir.
VIOLA
My duty, madam, and most humble service.
Madam, of course I will; I’m at your service.
OLIVIA
What is your name?
What is your name?
VIOLA
Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.
Your servant’s called Cesario, sweet princess.
OLIVIA
My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world
My servant, sir? This world has gone to pot
Since lowly feigning was called compliment:
Since fake humility’s been thought as flattery.
You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
You’re servant to the Count Orsino, boy.
VIOLA
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
And he is yours; his servants serve your needs.
Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.
Your servant’s servant is your servant, ma’am.
OLIVIA
For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
I don’t consider him my servant. Rather
Would they were blanks, rather than filled with me!
I wish he’d think of emptiness than me.
VIOLA
Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
Madam, I’ve come to sharpen how you think
On his behalf.
of him.
OLIVIA
O, by your leave, I pray you,
Give me a break, I beg of you.
I bade you never speak again of him:
I told you not to speak of him again.
But, would you undertake another suit,
But if you tell me of somebody else,
I had rather hear you to solicit that
I’d rather hear you tell me that than hear
Than music from the spheres.
The music of the Gods.
VIOLA
Dear lady,--
Dear lady…
OLIVIA
Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
Give me a moment, if you please. I sent,
After the last enchantment you did here,
Just after you enchanted me right here,
A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
A ring in chase of you. It was an error
Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:
For me, my servant, and I fear, for you.
Under your hard construction must I sit,
I must incur your poor opinion of me
To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
By tricking you in such a shameful way
Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
Which you knew nothing of. What do you think?
Have you not set mine honour at the stake
Have you not tied my honour to a stake,
And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
Just like a baited bear, and let your thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
Bite at me out of rage? To one so smart,
Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
It must be clear. This veil, and not my chest,
Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.
Conceals my heart. So, let me hear you speak.
VIOLA
I pity you.
I pity you.
OLIVIA
That's a degree to love.
That is a step of love.
VIOLA
No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof,
No, not a step, for it’s a sorry truth
That very oft we pity enemies.
We often sympathise with enemies.
OLIVIA
Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.
I know your thoughts now; I can smile again.
O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
It’s good, although I’ve nothing, I’m still proud!
If one should be a prey, how much the better
If one must lose, it’s preferable to lose to
To fall before the lion than the wolf!
A noble lion than a rabid wolf.
[Clock strikes]
The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
The clock reproaches me for wasting time.
Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:
Don’t worry, youth, I will not marry you.
And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
But when your mind and body has matured,
Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
Your wife will land herself a proper man.
There lies your way, due west.
Go off that way, due west.
VIOLA
Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition
Then westward ho! May grace and health be with
Attend your ladyship!
your Ladyship.
You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
You don’t want me to send my lord a message?
OLIVIA
Stay:
Wait there!
I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.
Please, tell me what you think of me.
VIOLA
That you do think you are not what you are.
That you think you’re not who you think you are.
OLIVIA
If I think so, I think the same of you.
If I think that, I think the same of you.
VIOLA
Then think you right: I am not what I am.
You’ve got that right. I am not who you think.
OLIVIA
I would you were as I would have you be!
I wish you were the way I wish you were.
VIOLA
Would it be better, madam, than I am?
Would that be better than the way I am?
I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
I wish it would, for now you ridicule me.
OLIVIA
O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
Oh, even when he’s angry, he is gorgeous,
In the contempt and anger of his lip!
Reflected through the anger in his lips!
A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon
A murderer’s guilt is not so evident
Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon.
As lover’s love that shines ambivalent.
Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
Cesario, by roses of the spring,
By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,
Virginity, my truth, and everything,
I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
I love you so, despite all of your pride,
Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
Although I try, I can’t my passion hide.
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
Don’t force yourself to think from what I said
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,
That though I woo you, we cannot be wed;
But rather reason thus with reason fetter,
But rather, challenge reason by the letter:
Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
Love sought is good, but love unsought is better.
VIOLA
By innocence I swear, and by my youth
Through innocence I swear, and through my youth
I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
I only have one heart and have one truth;
And that no woman has; nor never none
No woman’s had it, and there’ll never be
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
A woman who will own it, only me.
And so adieu, good madam: never more
And so goodbye, madam; and nevermore
Will I my master's tears to you deplore.
Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA
Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
But come again, in case your heart might alter
That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.
To be like his; then love will never falter.
[Exeunt]
