ACT 4
[Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown]
CLOWN
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
Do you want me to think you are not you?
SEBASTIAN
Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
Get lost, you silly fool.
Let me be clear of thee.
Get out of my way.
CLOWN
Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
Ha ha, great bluffing! No, I don’t know you, nor
I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
am I sent here by my lady asking
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
you speak to her, nor is your name Cesario,
nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.
and this is not my nose. For nothing's real.
SEBASTIAN
I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else:
Clear off; go talk your nonsense somewhere else.
Thou know'st not me.
You don’t know me.
CLOWN
Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some
Go talk my nonsense? That’s a phrase he’s heard
great man and now applies it to a fool.
from someone smart, then shares it with a fool.
Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world,
Go talk my nonsense? I’m afraid this world
will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy
is turning working class. Please now, stop acting
strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to
all strange and tell me what I ought to tell
my lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?
my lady. Shall I tell her you’ll be coming?
SEBASTIAN
I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me:
Come on, kebab-head, please be on your way.
There's money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give
Here’s money. If you wait here longer, I’ll give
worse payment.
you something worse in compensation.
CLOWN
By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
How generous of you. When wise men give
that give fools money get themselves a
some money to a fool, they get acclaim…
good report--after fourteen years' purchase.
…if they keep up their payments fourteen years.
[Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN]
SIR ANDREW
Now, sir, have I met you again? There's for you.
We meet again. Here is a punch for you.
SEBASTIAN
Why, there's for thee, and there, and there.
And here’s one back for you, and two and three.
Are all the people mad?
Is everybody crazy here?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.
Stop, else I’ll throw your dagger past the house.
CLOWN
This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
I’ll tell my lady of this. I would not be
in some of your coats for two pence.
in your shoes if you paid me.
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come on, sir; hold.
Come on, sir, stop that now.
SIR ANDREW
Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work
No, leave him be. I’ve got another way
with him; I'll have an action of battery against him,
to punish him. I’ll charge him with assault,
if there be any law in Illyria:
and win it if Illyria has laws,
though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.
although I hit him first, that doesn’t matter.
SEBASTIAN
Let go thy hand.
Let go of me!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier,
Come, sir. I will not let you go. Young soldier,
put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.
put down your dagger; you are strong; come on.
SEBASTIAN
I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now?
I’ll free myself from you. What will you do now?
If thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.
If you dare to fight me, then whip out your sword.
SIR TOBY BELCH
What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two
What? No, for then I'd draw an ounce or two
of this malapert blood from you.
of your audacious blood from you.
[Enter OLIVIA]
OLIVIA
Hold, Toby; on thy life I charge thee, hold!
Wait, Toby! Stop, upon your life, wait up!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Madam!
Madam.
OLIVIA
Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Will you always be like this? Boorish lout,
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
You should be in a barbarous mountain cave
Where manners ne'er were preached! Out of my sight!
Where no one teaches manners! Out of here!
Be not offended, dear Cesario.
Don’t be offended, dear Cesario.
Rudesby, be gone!
Get out of here, you ruffian!
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
I prithee, gentle friend,
Sweet friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
Let your intelligence, and not your anger,
In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
Guide you to understand this violence
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
Against your peaceful nature. Come with me
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
To my house and I’ll tell you of the pranks
This ruffian hath botched up, that thou thereby
That ruffian screws up, so that we can
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go:
Laugh all this off. You have to come with me.
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
Don’t turn me down. For me, despise his soul!
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
He scared my heart, the one that you just stole.
SEBASTIAN
What relish is in this? How runs the stream?
What’s causing this? All’s not as it may seem.
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
I’m either mad, or else this is a dream.
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it’s a fairytale, it’s one to keep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
If it’s a dream, I want to stay asleep!
OLIVIA
Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!
No, come with me, if you’ll do as I ask.
SEBASTIAN
Madam, I will.
Madam, I will.
OLIVIA
O, say so, and so be!
Oh, you’re up to the task!
[Exeunt]
