ACT 3
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
OLIVIA
I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
I’ve sent for him; but if he says he’ll come,
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
How shall I feed him? What should I give him?
For youth is bought more oft than begged or borrowed.
The young are often bought, not begged or borrowed.
I speak too loud.
I speak too loudly.
Where is Malvolio? He is sad and civil,
Where’s Malvolio? He’s miserable
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
And that's appropriate, a servant with my feelings.
Where is Malvolio?
Where is Malvolio?
MARIA
He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner.
He’s coming, madam, but he’s rather odd.
He is, sure, possessed, madam.
I’m sure he is possessed with madness, madam.
OLIVIA
Why, what's the matter? Does he rave?
Why, what’s the matter? Is he talking nonsense?
MARIA
No, madam, he does nothing but smile:
No, madam; he does nothing else but smile.
your ladyship were best to have some guard about you,
Your ladyship should be a little cautious
if he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.
if he comes by, for he seems maladjusted.
OLIVIA
Go call him hither.
Go call him in.
[Exit MARIA]
I am as mad as he,
We’re both equally mad,
If sad and merry madness equal be.
If being madly happy’s being sad.
[Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO]
How now, Malvolio!
What’s up, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
Sweet lady, ho, ho.
Sweet lady, ho ho!
OLIVIA
Smilest thou?
What’s with the smile?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
I asked you here in sadness.
MALVOLIO
Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
In sadness, lady? Yes, I could be sad,
obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering;
for these cross-gartered laces block the blood,
but what of that? If it please the eye of one,
but who would care? For if it pleases one,
it is with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
for me it’s from that sonnet: “Please one, and
please all.'
please all.”
OLIVIA
Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with thee?
Well, what on earth, man? What is wrong with you?
MALVOLIO
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs.
There’s nothing wrong, although my legs are yellow.
It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed:
This letter came to me, and I’ve obeyed it.
I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
I think we both identify the writing.
OLIVIA
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
Will you go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
To bed! Ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
To bed? Oh, yes, my sweet; I’ll come to you.
OLIVIA
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
Good heavens! What is with that smile of yours,
thy hand so oft?
and what is all that kissing of your hand?
MARIA
How do you, Malvolio?
How are you, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
At your request! Yes; nightingales answer daws.
D’you think I’ll answer you? Me talk to crows?!
MARIA
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
What's with the bold ridiculousness before her?
MALVOLIO
'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.
“Be not afraid of greatness.” They were wise words.
OLIVIA
What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?
What do you mean by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
'Some are born great,'--
“Some are born great…”
OLIVIA
Ha!
What?
MALVOLIO
'Some achieve greatness,'--
“Some achieve greatness…”
OLIVIA
What sayest thou?
What are you saying?
MALVOLIO
'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
“And some have greatness thrust upon them.”
OLIVIA
Heaven restore thee!
Dear heaven, make him healthy!
MALVOLIO
'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--
“Remember who admired my yellow stockings…”
OLIVIA
Thy yellow stockings!
Your yellow stockings?
MALVOLIO
'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'
“And asked to see them criss-crossed.”
OLIVIA
Cross-gartered!
Criss-crossed?
MALVOLIO
'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--
“Well then, you will succeed if you so wish.”
OLIVIA
Am I made?
Have I succeeded?
MALVOLIO
'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
“But if you don’t, just stay a humble servant.”
OLIVIA
Why, this is very midsummer madness.
It seems you’ve suddenly gone quite insane.
[Enter Servant]
SERVANT
Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's
Madam, the young man working for Orsino
is returned: I could hardly entreat him back:
is back again. I barely kept him out.
he attends your ladyship's pleasure.
He wants to see your Ladyship again.
OLIVIA
I'll come to him.
I’ll come to him.
[Exit Servant]
Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
Maria, take care of this fellow. Where’s.
my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
my cousin Toby? Have some people specially
care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the
take care of him. I wouldn’t want him harmed
half of my dowry.
for half my dowry.
[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA]
MALVOLIO
O, ho! do you come near me now? No worse man than
Well, do you get me now? She sent no less
Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
than Sir Toby to protect me, which is
the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
just as her letter said. He’s here on purpose
appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that
so I can treat him rudely as she states
in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough', says she;
within her letter: “Discard your lowly ways", she said.
'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;
“Debate a gentleman, demean your servants,
let thy tongue tang with arguments of state;
and get engaged in talks of politics;
put thyself into the trick of singularity;' and
and always stand your ground.” And then she said
consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad
exactly how I should behave: be sombre,
face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the
and speak in a distinguished, tardy manner,
habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have
just like a famous lord, or the like. I have
limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
seduced her, but it’s the work of God, so make me
thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this
thankful! And when she left, she said, “care for
fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor
this fellow.” She called me “fellow”, not Malvolio!
after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
She didn’t call me servant, but a fellow!
adheres together, that no dram of a scruple,
It all adds up, and not a drop of doubt,
no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
not even just a tiny drop, there’s no chance
or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing
this isn’t true. What can I say? There’s nothing
that can be can come between me and the full
that possibly could happen to prevent
prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the
my hopes from coming true. But this is God,
doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
not me, who must be thanked.
[Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils
In God’s name, where is he? If all the devils
of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself
merged with a Roman army and were shrunk
possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
into his heart, I still would speak to him.
FABIAN
Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
He’s here. He’s here. How are you doing, sir?
How is't with you, man?
What’s up with you, mate?
MALVOLIO
Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go off.
Clear off, I do not want you. Leave me be.
MARIA
Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him!
The devil’s speaking empty words within him!
Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to
I told you so! My lady asks, Sir Toby,
have a care of him.
you take good care of him.
MALVOLIO
Ah, ha! Does she so?
A-ha, well does she now?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
Hold on, hold on! Be quiet. We have to treat him
with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio?
gently. Leave me with him. How’s things, Malvolio?
How is't with you? What, man! Defy the devil:
How are you doing? Kick out the devil;
consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
he’s our enemy.
MALVOLIO
Do you know what you say?
Have you any idea what you are saying?
MARIA
La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
Did you hear that? If you speak of the devil,
it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
he takes it personally! God, don't bewitch him!
FABIAN
Carry his water to the wise woman.
Have his pee examined by a white witch!
MARIA
Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning,
Indeed, we’ll get it done tomorrow morning
if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.
if I’m alive. My lady wants to keep him.
MALVOLIO
How now, mistress!
What do you mean?
MARIA
O Lord!
Oh Lord!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way:
Be quiet, this is not the way to treat him.
do you not see you move him? Let me alone with him.
Don’t you see you’re upsetting him? Leave me with him.
FABIAN
No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
You must be gentle with him; the devil
rough, and will not be roughly used.
is rough, but don’t be rough with him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, how now, my bawcock! How dost thou, chuck?
What’s up now, cockerel? How ya doin’, chicken?
MALVOLIO
Sir!
Sir!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'Tis not for
Ah, baby hen, come with me. It’s unwise
gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan:
to play such childish contests with the devil.
hang him, foul collier!
Get rid of him, he’s just a dirty coalman!
MARIA
Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
Get him to say his prayers, Sir Toby; have him pray.
MALVOLIO
My prayers, minx!
My prayers, you silly wench?
MARIA
No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
I tell you what, he will not hear of God.
MALVOLIO
Go, hang yourselves all! You are idle shallow
Go hang yourselves, the lot of you! You’re lazy
things: I am not of your element:
and insignificant. I’m not like you.
you shall know more hereafter.
You’ll come to learn more soon.
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Is't possible?
Is this really happening?
FABIAN
If this were played upon a stage now,
If this were acted out upon a stage,
I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.
I’d call it all implausibly fictitious.
SIR TOBY BELCH
His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
He’s taken this deception to his heart.
MARIA
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
Let’s follow him, in case he smells a rat.
FABIAN
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
We’re going to drive him totally insane.
MARIA
The house will be the quieter.
This house will then be quieter.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound.
Let’s tie him up and leave him in a dark room.
My niece is already in the belief that he's mad:
My niece already thinks that he is mad.
we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
We’ll do this for our pleasure and his pain
till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
until we’ve had enough and we decide to
us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
take pity on him, then we can declare
bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
in front of judge and jury that you are
finder of madmen. But see, but see.
a maker of insanity. Look out!
[Enter SIR ANDREW]
FABIAN
More matter for a May morning.
Here’s someone else to turn into a fool.
SIR ANDREW
Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
Read this, my letter challenging the youth.
vinegar and pepper in't.
It’s spiced with vinegar and pepper.
FABIAN
Is't so saucy?
Is it aggressive and insulting too?
SIR ANDREW
Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.
Oh yes it is, I tell you. Have a read.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Give me.
Give it to me.
[Reads]
'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
“Young man, to me you're nothing but a scumbag."
FABIAN
Good, and valiant.
Good, and courageous.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads]
'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
“Don’t bother contemplating in your mind
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
why I would call you this; I won’t reveal it.”
FABIAN
A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
A good note, on the right side of the law.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads]
Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
“You come to see Lady Olivia,
sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat;
and she is kind. But you’re a lying dog,
that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
although that is not why I challenge you.”
FABIAN
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.
It’s short and sweet. It’s sickly sweet.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads]
'I will waylay thee going home; where if it
“I’ll intercept you when you’re heading home,
be thy chance to kill me,'--
and if you have a chance to murder me…”
FABIAN
Good.
Good.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads]
'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'
“…just kill me like an enemy of yours.”
FABIAN
Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.
You’re keeping on the right side of the law. Good.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[Reads]
'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
“Goodbye, and may God pardon one of us.
one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
He may have mercy on me, but I feel
my hope is better, and so look to thyself.
I have the better chance, so pray yourself.
Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
Your friend, and if you choose, your enemy,
Andrew Aguecheek.
Andrew Aguecheek.”
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
If this won’t move him, then his legs won’t neither.
I'll give't him.
I’ll give it to him.
MARIA
You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
You might just have the chance to do that now.
some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
He's talking with my lady; soon, he's leaving.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
Go on, Sir Andrew, keep a watch for me
orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
beside the orchard, like a debt-collector.
him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible;
And when you see him, draw your sword and swear
for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath,
the worst you can, for often awful words
with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off,
spat out in anger with a swaggering twang
gives manhood more approbation than ever
makes people think you’re tougher than you are,
proof itself would have earned him. Away!
without the need to prove it. On your way!
SIR ANDREW
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Don’t worry, I am bloody good at swearing.
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour
Now I won’t send his letter, for the conduct
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
of that young man implies that he’s a good
capacity and breeding; his employment between his
man and well bred; his interactions with
lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
his lord and with my niece confirm that. And so,
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
this letter—such an idiotic note—won’t
terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
frighten him. He will think it’s written by
clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
a dimwit. But, sir, I’ll recount the challenge
word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
to him by word of mouth, describing Aguecheek
of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
as full of courage, and convince the man
youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
—he’s young so he’ll believe it—that he’s full of
opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
horrific rage, and skill and he is fearless.
This will so fright them both that they will kill
This will then scare them both so much they’ll kill
one another by the look, like cockatrices.
each other with their looks, like ancient monsters.
[Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA]
FABIAN
Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
Here he comes with your niece. Stay out the way
he take leave, and presently after him.
till he has left, and then go after him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
I’ll wait a while and conjure up some words
for a challenge.
to say to challenge him.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA]
OLIVIA
I have said too much unto a heart of stone
I’ve said too much to someone so cold-hearted
And laid mine honour too unchary out:
And laid my reputation on the line.
There's something in me that reproves my fault;
I feel ashamed for making this mistake,
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
But I felt such an overwhelming need
That it but mocks reproof.
To say it, I could not contain myself.
VIOLA
With the same 'haviour that your passion bears
It’s just the same behaviour from your passion
Goes on my master's grief.
That matches all the pain my master feels.
OLIVIA
Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
Here, wear this locket with my picture for me.
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
Do not say no. It’s mute, so can’t annoy you.
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
And I request you come again tomorrow.
What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
What can you ask from me that I’ll refuse,
That honour saved may upon asking give?
Integrity intact, to give if asked?
VIOLA
Nothing but this; your true love for my master.
There’s nothing but your love for my own master.
OLIVIA
How with mine honour may I give him that
How can I give him that, and keep my honour,
Which I have given to you?
When I have given it to you?
VIOLA
I will acquit you.
I’ll let you.
OLIVIA
Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
Well, come again tomorrow. Now, farewell;
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
A fiend like you might tempt my soul to hell.
[Exit]
[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Gentleman, God save thee.
God save you, gentleman.
VIOLA
And you, sir.
And you, sir, too.
SIR TOBY BELCH
That defence thou hast, betake thee to't:
Unsheathe that sword of yours; you’ll need to use it.
of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
Whatever harm you’ve done to him, I do
not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
not know, but your opponent—angry, bloodied
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
as a hunter—waits for you at the orchard.
dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation,
Get out your sword, prepare yourself to fight,
for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
for your attacker’s fast, and skilled, and deadly.
VIOLA
You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me:
You’re wrong, sir. I’m sure no man wants to fight me.
my remembrance is very free and clear from any image
My recollection’s good and I’ve no memory
of offence done to any man.
of doing any harm to anyone.
SIR TOBY BELCH
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
You’ll find you’re wrong, I tell you. So, therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
if your life has some value, then be sure
your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
to be on guard, for your opponent has
youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
youth, strength, skill and wrath of any man.
VIOLA
I pray you, sir, what is he?
I beg your pardon, sir, but who’s this man?
SIR TOBY BELCH
He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
He’s knighted by an unused blade, awarded
carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
in ceremony, but he is a brutal
brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
fighter in brawls. He’s sliced three people open,
his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
but his resentment now is unrelenting
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
and only can be quelled by putting people
and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
in coffins. “Kill, or be killed”, is his motto; "give or take".
VIOLA
I will return again into the house and desire some
I will go back into the house and ask
conduct of the lady. I am no fighter.
my lady for protection. I’m no fighter.
I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels
I’ve heard of men that like to start a fight
purposely on others, to taste their valour:
with others just to show that they are brave.
belike this is a man of that quirk.
He sounds like one of them sort.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
Oh no, sir, for his anger has arisen
very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
from a deliberate offence. Prepare
give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house,
as he desires. Don’t go back to the house,
unless you undertake that with me which with
unless you want to fight with me, but then
as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
you’re safer fighting him. And so, let’s go,
or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must,
or get your sword out now, for you must fight,
that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
or else you’ll never wear your sword again.
VIOLA
This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
This is as rude as strange. I ask you find out,
this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
if you don’t mind, by asking of the knight
my offence to him is: it is something of my
how I’ve offended him. I didn’t mean to;
negligence, nothing of my purpose.
it wasn’t my intention.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
I will do that. Sir Fabian, stay here
gentleman till my return.
and guard this man till I return.
[Exit]
VIOLA
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
I ask you, sir, do you know what has happened?
FABIAN
I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
I know the knight is furious with you
mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
so much he’ll fight you to the death, but don’t know why.
VIOLA
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
What type of man is he?
FABIAN
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
He’s doesn’t look that brave—if one would judge him
his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
by how he looks—but you will soon find out
of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
he’s brutal. Sir, he is the most proficient
bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
and violent and fatal opposition
have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
you’ll find across Illyria. Will you
towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can.
approach him? I’ll appease him, if I can.
VIOLA
I shall be much bound to you for't:
I’d be indebted to you if you did.
I am one that had rather go with sir priest than sir knight:
I’m more a churchman than a bitter fighter,
I care not who knows so much of my mettle.
and I don’t care who knows I am a coward.
[Exeunt]
[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW]
SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
Why, mate, this man’s the devil incarnate!
firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all,
A proper dragon! I’d a bout with him
and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion,
to practice, and his thrust was so intense
that it is inevitable; and on the answer,
it certainly would kill you; on the counter,
he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
he’d strike you just as sure as you are standing.
They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
They say he was a fencer for the Shah of Persia.
SIR ANDREW
Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
Screw that! I will not touch him!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
I know, but he will not now be appeased,
scarce hold him yonder.
for Fabian can hardly hold him back.
SIR ANDREW
Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
Oh, damn it! If I’d known he was so tough,
cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damned ere I'd
so good at fighting, I’d have placed a curse
have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
and not a challenge. Ask him to let the matter slip,
and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show on't:
I’ll make the offer. Wait here, looking brave.
this shall end without the perdition of souls.
This might just end without the loss of life.
[Aside]
Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA]
[To FABIAN]
I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
I’ve got his horse if we settle the quarrel.
I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.
FABIAN
He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
He’s terrified of him, and breathes aghast
looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
as though he had a bear hot on his heels.
SIR TOBY BELCH
[To VIOLA]
There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
There’s no solution, sir, he’s going to fight
with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
with you as he has sworn. But he’s rethought
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
the reason for the fight, and now he finds
scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw,
it’s not worth fighting for. But draw your sword
the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
in honour, for he swears he will not hurt you.
VIOLA
[Aside]
Pray God defend me! A little thing would
Dear God, defend me! If the slightest thing
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
occurs, I must reveal I’m not a man.
FABIAN
Give ground, if you see him furious.
Stand back if he seems furious to you.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
Sir Andrew, come; there is no other way.
will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
He’ll, in the name of honour, fight one bout.
he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
The code of fighting stipulates it. But, as
promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier,
a gentleman and soldier, he has promised
he will not hurt you. Come on; to't.
that he won’t hurt you. Come now, get to it.
SIR ANDREW
Pray God, he keep his oath!
I pray to God that he will keep his promise!
VIOLA
I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
I promise you this isn’t what I wanted.
[They draw]
[Enter ANTONIO]
ANTONIO
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Put down your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
Has done you wrong, it’s me who’ll take the blame.
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
If you’ve offended him, I’ll fight you back.
SIR TOBY BELCH
You, sir! Why, what are you?
You, sir? Why, who are you?
ANTONIO
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
I am someone who, out of love, will dare
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
To do the things you’ve only heard him boast of.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
If you do others dirty work, I’ll fight you.
[They draw]
[Enter Officers]
FABIAN
O good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.
Wait up, Sir Toby, wait! The police are here.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I'll be with you anon.
I’ll get you later.
VIOLA
Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
Please sir, put down your sword, if you don’t mind.
SIR ANDREW
Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
Indeed, I will. And as I promised you,
I'll be as good as my word: he will bear
I’ll be good to my word. My horse will carry
you easily and reins well.
you easily, and he’s a breeze to ride.
FIRST OFFICER
This is the man; do thy office.
This is the man. Conduct your duty on him.
SECOND OFFICER
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
Antonio, I arrest you under Count Orsino's order.
ANTONIO
You do mistake me, sir.
You must mistake me, sir.
FIRST OFFICER
No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
No, sir, no way. I know the way you look,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Despite the fact you’re not wearing your sea-cap.
Take him away: he knows I know him well.
Take him away. He knows I know him well.
ANTONIO
I must obey.
I must obey.
[To VIOLA]
This comes with seeking you:
This happened seeking you.
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
There’s no solution; I’ll just pay the fine.
What will you do, now my necessity
What will you do now that I have to ask
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
You give me back my cash? It hurts me now
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
Than what will be my fate. You look surprised,
But be of comfort.
But just relax.
SECOND OFFICER
Come, sir, away.
Come on now, sir, let’s go.
ANTONIO
I must entreat of you some of that money.
I have to ask you give me back some money.
VIOLA
What money, sir?
What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have showed me here,
For all the kindness you have shown to me,
And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
And also for the trouble you’re now in,
Out of my lean and low ability
I can, from my own limited resources,
I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
Lend you some money. But I don’t have much.
I'll make division of my present with you:
I’ll give you some of what I have right now.
Hold, there's half my coffer.
Here’s half of all I have.
ANTONIO
Will you deny me now?
Will you disown me now?
Is't possible that my deserts to you
How can you, after all I’ve done for you,
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Not help me out? Don’t make me more upset
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
In case I’m forced to do an awful thing
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
Reminding you of all the acts of kindness
That I have done for you.
I’ve done for you.
VIOLA
I know of none;
I don’t know any of them.
Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
And I don’t know you by your face or voice.
I hate ingratitude more in a man
I hate ingratitude in men far more
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Than lying, vanity, or drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Or any other strong corrupting weakness
Inhabits our frail blood.
That we are subject to…
ANTONIO
O heavens themselves!
Good heavens, what on earth…!
SECOND OFFICER
Come, sir, I pray you, go.
Come on now, sir, let’s go.
ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
Wait, let me say something. This youth you see
I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,
I saved from half-way down the jaws of death,
Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
And brought him comfort from the love I gave him,
And to his image, which methought did promise
And to his face, which I thought reassured me
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
He is a decent man, I stayed devoted.
FIRST OFFICER
What's that to us? The time goes by: away!
Why should we care? Time’s ticking by. Let’s go.
ANTONIO
But O how vile an idol proves this god
But oh, how awful has my hero proven!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
Sebastian, you’ve pilloried your good looks.
In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
There’s nothing bad in nature, but the mind;
None can be called deformed but the unkind:
For nothing’s bad except being unkind.
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Now beauty’s beautiful, but evil beauty
Are empty trunks o'erflourished by the devil.
Is just an empty shell, the devil’s duty.
FIRST OFFICER
The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
He’s going mad. Take him away. Come, sir.
ANTONIO
Lead me on.
Lead me onwards.
[Exit with Officers]
VIOLA
Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
I think he spoke those words with so much zeal
That he believes himself: so do not I.
That he believes them, though I doubt they’re real.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
Oh, my imagination, please be true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
That I, dear brother, he assumed was you!
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian:
Let’s leave here now, dear knight and Fabian.
we'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
Let’s share some wise old sayings with each other.
VIOLA
He named Sebastian: I my brother know
He said Sebastian. I see my brother
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
When looking in the mirror. There’s no other
In favour was my brother, and he went
Whose face was just like mine; he wore his clothes
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
The same as these, in colour, shape and pose,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
For I would copy him. Oh, prove it so
Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
That storms are kind and waves did let him go.
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
He’s such a weak, dishonest boy; a coward
a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
much like a hare. He lies, for he is leaving
friend here in necessity and denying him;
his friend here, desperate, denying he knows him.
and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
And as for weakness, just ask Fabian.
FABIAN
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
A coward of quite biblical proportions.
SIR ANDREW
'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
By God, I’ll follow him and beat him up.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
Give him a kicking, but don’t draw your sword.
SIR ANDREW
An I do not,--
And if I don’t…
FABIAN
Come, let's see the event.
Come on, let’s see what happens.
SIR TOBY BELCH
I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
I bet there will be nothing much to see.
[Exeunt]
