The Tempest – Act 3 Scene 2

STEPHANO

Tell not me; when the butt is out, we will drink

Don’t tell me that; when the vat of wine is empty, we’ll drink

water; not a drop before: therefore bear up, and

water, but not a drop before then. So, raise your glass and

board 'em. Servant-monster, drink to me.

down it. Servant-monster, drink a toast to me.

TRINCULO

Servant-monster! The folly of this island! They

Servant-monster! This island is bonkers! They

say there's but five upon this isle: we are three

say there’s only five people on this island: we are three

of them; if th' other two be brained like us, the

of them. If the other two are as daft as us, the

state totters.

country is in trouble.

STEPHANO

Drink, servant-monster, when I bid thee: thy eyes

Drink, servant-monster, when I tell you: your eyes

are almost set in thy head.

look like they’re set in your head.

TRINCULO

Where should they be set else? He were a brave

Where else could they be set? He’d be a fine

monster indeed, if they were set in his tail.

monster indeed if they were set in his tail.

STEPHANO

My man-monster hath drowned his tongue in sack:

My man-monster can’t speak from too much wine:

for my part, the sea cannot drown me; I swam, ere I

whereas the sea can’t even drown me; I swam, before I

could recover the shore, five and thirty leagues off

reached the shore, for a hundred and five miles

and on. By this light, thou shalt be my lieutenant,

thereabouts. And therefore, you shall be my lieutenant,

monster, or my standard.

monster, or my flag-carrier.

TRINCULO

Your lieutenant, if you list; he's no standard.

Your lieutenant, I think, for he can’t stand up.

STEPHANO

We'll not run, Monsieur Monster.

We’ll never retreat, Monsieur Monster.

TRINCULO

Nor go neither; but you'll lie like dogs and yet say

Nor go there either; instead you’ll lie like lazy dogs and won’t

nothing neither.

say anything either.

STEPHANO

Moon-calf, speak once in thy life, if thou beest a

Monstrosity, say something at least once in your life, if you are

good moon-calf.

a good monstrosity.

CALIBAN

How does thy honour? Let me lick thy shoe.

How is your honour? Let me kiss your shoe.

I'll not serve him; he's not valiant.

I won’t serve him; unlike you, he’s not brave.

TRINCULO

Thou liest, most ignorant monster: I am in case to

You lie, you ignorant monster: I’m brave enough to

justle a constable. Why, thou deboshed fish thou,

fight a policeman. Why, you debauched fish you,

was there ever man a coward that hath drunk so much

has there ever been a coward who has drunk as much

sack as I to-day? Wilt thou tell a monstrous lie,

wine as I have today? Are you just telling a massive lie

being but half a fish and half a monster?

because you are half fish, half monster?

CALIBAN

Lo, how he mocks me! Wilt thou let him, my lord?

Look, how he mocks me! Will you let him, my lord?

TRINCULO

'Lord' quoth he! That a monster should be such a natural!

‘Lord’, he says! How surprising that a monster is an idiot!

CALIBAN

Lo, lo, again! Bite him to death, I prithee.

Look, he does it again! Bite him to death.

STEPHANO

Trinculo, keep a good tongue in your head: if you

Trinculo, watch what you’re saying. If you

prove a mutineer, – the next tree! The poor monster's

start a mutiny, I’ll hang you from the next tree! The monster

my subject and he shall not suffer indignity.

belongs to me and he will not be insulted.

CALIBAN

I thank my noble lord. Wilt thou be pleased to

I thank you, my noble lord. Will you be willing to

hearken once again to the suit I made to thee?

listen to the request I made of you again?

STEPHANO

Marry, will I. Kneel and repeat it; I will stand,

Indeed, I will. Kneel and repeat it; I will stand,

and so shall Trinculo.

and so will Trinculo.

CALIBAN

As I told thee before, I am subject to a tyrant, a

As I told you before, I am a slave to a tyrant, a

sorcerer, that by his cunning hath cheated me of the island.

magician, who has stolen the island from me by his stealth.

ARIEL

Thou liest.

You’re lying.

CALIBAN

Thou liest, thou jesting monkey, thou: I would my

You’re lying, you joking monkey, you. I will have my

valiant master would destroy thee! I do not lie.

brave master destroy you! I am not lying.

STEPHANO

Trinculo, if you trouble him any more in's tale, by

Trinculo, if you disrupt him again while he’s telling his tale, with

this hand, I will supplant some of your teeth.

this hand I will knock some of your teeth out.

TRINCULO

Why, I said nothing.

Why? I didn’t say anything.

STEPHANO

Mum, then, and no more. Proceed.

Be quiet, then, and don’t do it again. Carry on.

CALIBAN

I say, by sorcery he got this isle;

I say, he won this island using magic;

From me he got it. If thy greatness will

He stole it from me. If you, my great leader,

Revenge it on him, – for I know thou darest,

Will take revenge on him…I know you dare,

But this thing dare not, –

Unlike me, I don’t dare…

STEPHANO

That's most certain.

Well, that’s for sure.

CALIBAN

Thou shalt be lord of it and I'll serve thee.

You’ll rule this land, and I will work for you.

STEPHANO

How now shall this be compassed?

How can this be achieved?

Canst thou bring me to the party?

Can you take me to him?

CALIBAN

Yea, yea, my lord: I'll yield him thee asleep,

Yes, yes, my lord; I’ll take you when he’s sleeping,

Where thou mayst knock a nail into his head.

So you can knock a nail into his head.

ARIEL

Thou liest; thou canst not.

You’re lying; you can’t do that.

CALIBAN

What a pied ninny's this! Thou scurvy patch!

You are an utter fool! You piece of crap!

I do beseech thy greatness, give him blows

I urge you, my dear leader, knock him out

And take his bottle from him: when that's gone

And take his bottle from him. When you’ve got it,

He shall drink nought but brine; for I'll not show him

He’ll have to drink seawater; I’ll not show him

Where the quick freshes are.

Where the freshwater springs are.

STEPHANO

Trinculo, run into no further danger:

Trinculo, don’t cause any more trouble:

interrupt the monster one word further, and,

if you interrupt the monster one more time, I promise you

by this hand, I'll turn my mercy out o' doors

with this hand, I’ll stop being lenient with you

and make a stock-fish of thee.

and knock you as stiff as a dry fish.

TRINCULO

Why, what did I? I did nothing. I'll go farther off.

Why, what did I do? I did nothing. I’ll go further away.

STEPHANO

Didst thou not say he lied?

Didn’t you say he lied?

ARIEL

Thou liest.

You lied.

STEPHANO

Do I so? Take thou that.

Do I now? Take that then, you.

[Beats TRINCULO]

As you like this, give me the lie another time.

And if you enjoyed that, call me a liar again.

TRINCULO

I did not give the lie. Out o' your

I didn’t call you a liar. Have you lost your

wits and hearing too? A pox o' your bottle!

mind and your hearing as well? Damn that bottle of yours!

This can sack and drinking do. A murrain on

This is what wine and drinking can do to a man. May pests

your monster, and the devil take your fingers!

infect your monster, and you can go to hell!

CALIBAN

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

STEPHANO

Now, forward with your tale. Prithee, stand farther off.

Now, get on with your story. Please, stand further away.

CALIBAN

Beat him enough: after a little time

Beat him up quite a bit; after a while

I'll beat him too.

I’ll beat him up as well.

STEPHANO

Stand farther. Come, proceed.

Stand further away. Come on, continue with the story.

CALIBAN

Why, as I told thee, 'tis a custom with him,

Well, as I told you, he has got this ritual

I' th' afternoon to sleep: there thou mayst brain him,

To sleep each afternoon: that’s where you’ll kill him,

Having first seized his books, or with a log

Once you have snatched his spell books, with a log

Batter his skull, or paunch him with a stake,

You’ll smash his skull, or stab him with a spear,

Or cut his wezand with thy knife. Remember

Or cut his windpipe with your knife. Remember

First to possess his books; for without them

To get his books; for if he doesn’t have them,

He's but a sot, as I am, nor hath not

He’s just a fool, like me, and doesn’t have

One spirit to command: they all do hate him

A single spirit to command. They hate him

As rootedly as I. Burn but his books.

As much as I do. Go and burn his books.

He has brave utensils, – for so he calls them –

He has these brave utensils – so he calls them –

Which when he has a house, he'll deck withal

Which, when he builds a house, he’ll decorate with,

And that most deeply to consider is

But what you really need to think about is

The beauty of his daughter; he himself

How beautiful his daughter is. He says

Calls her a nonpareil: I never saw a woman,

She is unmatched. I never saw a woman,

But only Sycorax my dam and she;

Except for Sycorax – my mum – and her;

But she as far surpasseth Sycorax

But she’s more beautiful than Sycorax,

As great'st does least.

Quite opposite to her.

STEPHANO

Is it so brave a lass?

Is she that fine?

CALIBAN

Ay, lord; she will become thy bed, I warrant.

Yes, sir; and she’ll be good in bed, I bet you.

And bring thee forth brave brood.

And give you many lovely children.

STEPHANO

Monster, I will kill this man: his daughter and I

Monster, I will kill this man. His daughter and I

will be king and queen – save our graces! – and

will be king and queen – God protect us! – and

Trinculo and thyself shall be viceroys. Dost thou

Trinculo and you will be viceroys. Do you

like the plot, Trinculo?

like the plan, Trinculo?

TRINCULO

Excellent.

It’s excellent.

STEPHANO

Give me thy hand: I am sorry I beat thee; but,

Give me your hand: I am sorry that I hit you, but

while thou livest, keep a good tongue in thy head.

while you’re alive, watch what you say.

CALIBAN

Within this half hour will he be asleep:

In half an hour from now he’ll be asleep:

Wilt thou destroy him then?

Will you destroy him then?

STEPHANO

Ay, on mine honour.

Yes, on my honour.

ARIEL

This will I tell my master.

I’ll tell this to my master.

CALIBAN

Thou makest me merry; I am full of pleasure:

You’ve made me happy; I am overjoyed.

Let us be jocund: will you troll the catch

Let’s all be jolly: will you sing the song

You taught me but while-ere?

You taught me earlier?

STEPHANO

At thy request, monster, I will do reason, any

Whatever you ask, monster, I will do, within

reason. Come on, Trinculo, let us sing.

reason. Come on, Trinculo, let’s sing.

[Sings]

Flout 'em and scout 'em

Scorn them and tease them

And scout 'em and flout 'em

And tease them and scorn them,

Thought is free.

Thought is free.

CALIBAN

That's not the tune.

That’s not the tune.

[Ariel plays the tune on a tabor and pipe]

STEPHANO

What is this same?

What is that tune?

TRINCULO

This is the tune of our catch, played by the picture

This is the tune of our song, played by somebody

of Nobody.

we cannot see.

STEPHANO

If thou beest a man, show thyself in thy likeness:

If you are a man, show yourself as a man;

if thou beest a devil, take't as thou list.

if you are a devil, do as you please.

TRINCULO

O, forgive me my sins!

Oh, forgive me my sins!

STEPHANO

He that dies pays all debts: I defy thee. Mercy upon us!

You pay your debts when dead: I defy you. Have mercy on us!

CALIBAN

Art thou afeard?

Are you afraid?

STEPHANO

No, monster, not I.

No, monster, I’m not.

CALIBAN

Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,

Don’t be afraid; the isle is full of noises,

Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.

Sounds and sweet tunes that bring delight, not pain.

Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments

Sometimes a thousand plucking instruments

Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices

Will hum around my ears, and sometimes voices

That, if I then had waked after long sleep,

That, if I’d woken from a slumberous sleep,

Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming,

Would put me back to sleep again. Then, dreaming,

The clouds methought would open and show riches

I’d think the clouds would open, showing gold

Ready to drop upon me that, when I waked,

To drop upon me, so that when I woke up,

I cried to dream again.

I cried to have the dream again.

STEPHANO

This will prove a brave kingdom to me, where I shall

This will be a wonderful kingdom for me, where I shall

have my music for nothing.

have my music played for nothing.

CALIBAN

When Prospero is destroyed.

Once Prospero is killed.

STEPHANO

That shall be by and by: I remember the story.

That will be soon. I’ve not forgotten the plan.

TRINCULO

The sound is going away; let's follow it, and

The sound is moving away; let’s follow it, and

after do our work.

afterwards, do the deed.

STEPHANO

Lead, monster; we'll follow. I would I could see

Lead on, monster; we’ll follow you. I wish I could see

this taborer; he lays it on.

who is playing the tabor; he’s very good at it.

TRINCULO

Wilt come? I'll follow, Stephano.

You coming? I’ll follow you, Stephano.