A Midsummer Night's Dream – Act 3 Scene 1

BOTTOM

Are we all met?

Are we all here?

QUINCE

Pat, pat; and here's a marvellous convenient place

We are indeed; and here’s a wonderfully convenient spot

for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our

for our rehearsal. This grassy plot will be our

stage, this hawthorn-brake our tiring-house; and we

stage, this hawthorn bush will be our changing room; and we

will do it in action as we will do it before the duke.

will rehearse as if we are performing in front of the duke.

BOTTOM

Peter Quince, –

Peter Quince…

QUINCE

What sayest thou, bully Bottom?

What’s up, my old mate Bottom?

BOTTOM

There are things in this comedy of Pyramus and

There are parts of this comedic play where Pyramus and

Thisbe that will never please. First, Pyramus must

Thisbe’s actions will upset the audience. First, Pyramus must

draw a sword to kill himself; which the ladies

draw a sword to kill himself, which the ladies in the audience

cannot abide. How answer you that?

cannot tolerate. What do you say to that?

SNOUT

By'r lakin, a parlous fear.

By our Virgin Mary, that’s a perilous concern.

STARVELING

I believe we must leave the killing out, when all is done.

I believe we must drop the killing, when all is said and done.

BOTTOM

Not a whit: I have a device to make all well.

Not at all! I have a method of fixing this.

Write me a prologue; and let the prologue seem to

Write a prologue that explains

say, we will do no harm with our swords, and that

we will not harm ourselves with our swords, and that

Pyramus is not killed indeed; and, for the more

Pyramus is not actually killed; and to

better assurance, tell them that I, Pyramus, am not

better reassure them, tell them that I, Pyramus, am not actually

Pyramus, but Bottom the weaver: this will put them

Pyramus, but Bottom the weaver. This will stop them

out of fear.

from worrying.

QUINCE

Well, we will have such a prologue; and it shall be

Well, let’s have such a prologue; and it’ll be

written in eight and six.

written as a ballad, eight then six syllables per line.

BOTTOM

No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and eight.

No, make it two more; write it eight and eight syllables per line.

SNOUT

Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?

Won’t the ladies be scared of the lion?

STARVELING

I fear it, I promise you.

I worry about that, I promise you.

BOTTOM

Masters, you ought to consider with yourselves: to

Masters, you have to think about this yourselves:

bring in – God shield us! – a lion among ladies, is a

bringing in – God help us! – a lion in front of ladies is an

most dreadful thing; for there is not a more fearful

awful thing to do, for there is not a more fearsome

wild-fowl than your lion living; and we ought to

wild bird than a living lion; and we ought to

look to 't.

do something about that.

SNOUT

Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion.

Therefore we need another prologue to say he is not a lion.

BOTTOM

Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must

No, you must name the actor, and half his face must

be seen through the lion's neck: and he himself

be seen through the lion costume; and the actor

must speak through, saying thus, or to the same

must speak from the costume, saying something

defect, – 'Ladies,' – or 'Fair-ladies – I would wish

like, ‘Ladies’… or, ‘Fair ladies… I would hope

You,' – or 'I would request you,' – or 'I would

you’… or, ‘I would ask you’… or, ‘I would

entreat you, – not to fear, not to tremble: my life

entreat you… not to be afraid and tremble, for I will

for yours. If you think I come hither as a lion, it

defend you with my life. If you think I’m an actual lion, it

were pity of my life: no I am no such thing; I am a

would put my life at risk. No, I am no such thing; I am a

man as other men are;' and there indeed let him name

man just like any other man.’ And at that point he can state

his name, and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner.

his name, telling them plainly that he is Snug the joiner.

QUINCE

Well it shall be so. But there is two hard things;

Well, let’s do it like that. But there are two problems to solve:

that is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber; for,

namely, we need moonlight in the room, for,

you know, Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight.

as you know, Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight.

SNOUT

Doth the moon shine that night we play our play?

Is the moon shining on the night we’re performing?

BOTTOM

We need a calendar! Look in the almanac; find

A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanac, and find

out moonshine, find out moonshine.

out if the moon is shining that night.

QUINCE

Yes, it doth shine that night.

Yes, it is shining that night.

BOTTOM

Why, then may you leave a casement of the great

Well, then we can have a hinged window within the great

chamber window, where we play, open, and the moon

room’s window where we’re acting, leaving it open so the moon

may shine in at the casement.

can shine through the hinged window.

QUINCE

Ay; or else one must come in with a bush of thorns

Yes, or otherwise someone must enter with a bundle of sticks

and a lanthorn, and say he comes to disfigure, or to

and a lantern, and say he’s disfiguring – I mean, prefiguring –

present, the person of Moonshine. Then, there is

or presenting himself as the character Moonshine. And

another thing: we must have a wall in the great

another thing: we have to have a wall in the great

chamber; for Pyramus and Thisbe says the story, did

room, for the story goes that Pyramus and Thisbe

talk through the chink of a wall.

spoke through a hole in the wall.

SNOUT

You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom?

You can’t bring a wall in. What do you reckon, Bottom?

BOTTOM

Some man or other must present Wall: and let him

Someone must play the part of Wall: and have him

have some plaster, or some loam, or some rough-cast

have some plaster, or clay soil, or pebbled plaster

about him, to signify wall; and let him hold his

around him, to signify that he’s a wall; and have him hold his

fingers thus, and through that cranny shall Pyramus

fingers like this, and through that gap Pyramus

and Thisbe whisper.

and Thisbe will whisper.

QUINCE

If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down,

If we can do that, we’ll be fine. Come on, sit down,

every mother's son, and rehearse your parts.

each one of you and rehearse your parts.

Pyramus, you begin: when you have spoken your

Pyramus, you begin: when you have spoken your

speech, enter into that brake: and so every one

lines, go into that bush. Everyone else,

according to his cue.

follow your cue in the script.

PUCK

What hempen home-spuns have we swaggering here,

What cloth-clothed bumpkins have we strutting here,

So near the cradle of the fairy queen?

So close to where our fairy queen is sleeping?

What, a play toward! I'll be an auditor;

They’re putting on a play! I will review it;

An actor too, perhaps, if I see cause.

And maybe act in it, perhaps, if needs be.

QUINCE

Speak, Pyramus. Thisbe, stand forth.

Speak, Pyramus. Thisbe, come forward.

BOTTOM

Thisbe, the flowers of odious savours sweet, –

Thisbe, the flowers of odious sweet smell…

QUINCE

Odours, odours.

It’s ‘odours’.

BOTTOM

– odours savours sweet:

…odours sweet smell

So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe dear.

Much like your breath, my dearest Thisbe dear.

But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile,

But listen up, a voice! Wait here a while

And by and by I will to thee appear.

And I’ll return to you in next to no time.

PUCK

A stranger Pyramus than e'er played here.

The weirdest Pyramus that has performed here.

FLUTE

Must I speak now?

Do I speak now?

QUINCE

Ay, marry, must you; for you must understand he goes

Yes, indeed, you do; for you have to understand that he left

but to see a noise that he heard, and is to come again.

only to check on a noise he heard, and he’ll come back again.

FLUTE

Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue,

Most lovely Pyramus, who’s lily-white in hue,

Of colour like the red rose on triumphant brier,

And coloured like the red rose upon a gorgeous bush

Most brisky juvenal and eke most lovely Jew,

Who’s like a frisky youngster, and a lovely Jew,

As true as truest horse that yet would never tire,

Reliable as one’s best horse, however hard you push,

I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb.

I’ll meet you, Pyramus, at Ninny’s tomb.

QUINCE

'Ninus' tomb,' man: why, you must not speak that

It’s ‘Ninus’ tomb’, man. And you mustn’t even say that line

yet; that you answer to Pyramus: you speak all your

yet; that is your answer to Pyramus. You’ve just said all your

part at once, cues and all. Pyramus enter: your cue

lines at once, including all the cues. Enter Pyramus: you’ve

is past; it is, 'never tire.'

missed your cue; it is, ‘however hard you push’.

FLUTE

O, – As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.

Oh… Reliable as one’s best horse, however hard you push.

BOTTOM

If I were fair, Thisbe, I were only thine.

If I was gorgeous, Thisbe, I’d still be yours.

QUINCE

O monstrous! O strange! We are haunted. Pray,

Oh, monstrous! How strange! We are haunted! Pray,

masters! Fly, masters! Help!

gentlemen! Run, gentlemen! Help!

PUCK

I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round,

I’ll follow you and lead you folk around,

Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:

Through bushes, hedges, thickets and a bog:

Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,

Sometimes I’ll be a horse, sometimes a hound,

A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;

A headless bear, a fire, sometimes a hog;

And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,

And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,

Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.

Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.

BOTTOM

Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to

Why do they run away? This is a trick by them to

make me afeard.

make me be scared.

SNOUT

O Bottom, thou art changed! What do I see on thee?

Oh, Bottom, you have changed! What do I see on your head?

BOTTOM

What do you see? You see an asshead of your own,

What do you see? You see you’ve got an asshead of your own,

do you?

don’t you?

QUINCE

Bless thee, Bottom! Bless thee! Thou art

Bless you, Bottom! Bless you! You are

translated.

transformed.

BOTTOM

I see their knavery: this is to make an ass of me;

I see through their trick: they’re trying to make an ass of me;

to fright me, if they could. But I will not stir

they think they can scare me. But I’ll not move

from this place, do what they can: I will walk up

from this place, whatever they try to do. I will walk up

and down here, and I will sing, that they shall hear

and down here, and I will sing, so that they hear me

I am not afraid.

and know I am not afraid.

[Sings]

The ousel cock so black of hue,

The blackbird with the blackest hue,

With orange-tawny bill,

With orange-tawny bill,

The throstle with his note so true,

The singing thrush that sings so true

The wren with little quill, –

The wren with little quill…

TITANIA

[Awaking]

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

What angel wakes me from my bed of flowers?

BOTTOM

[Sings]

The finch, the sparrow and the lark,

The finch, the sparrow and the lark,

The plain-song cuckoo grey,

The simple cuckoo’s song,

Whose note full many a man doth mark,

Whose singing many men do mark

And dares not answer nay; –

But don’t dare say it’s wrong; …

for, indeed, who would set his wit to so foolish

for who indeed would try to argue with such a foolish

a bird? Who would give a bird the lie, though he cry

bird? Who would say that the bird was lying, even if it said

'cuckoo' never so?

his wife was cheating on him?

TITANIA

I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again:

I beg you, gentle mortal, sing again:

Mine ear is much enamoured of thy note;

My ears are so enamoured by your voice;

So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape;

As are my eyes enchanted by your looks;

And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me

Your beauty makes me think no one’s above you,

On the first view to say, to swear, I love thee.

And on first viewing, makes me swear, ‘I love you.’

BOTTOM

Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason

Lady, I don’t think you should have any reason

for that: and yet, to say the truth, reason and

to love me; but, then again, truth, logic and

love keep little company together now-a-days; the

love rarely go together these days. What

more the pity that some honest neighbours will not

a shame that some of their kind friends don’t introduce

make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon occasion.

them to one another. No, I can tell a joke occasionally.

TITANIA

Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

You are as wise as you are beautiful.

BOTTOM

Not so, neither: but if I had wit enough to get out

That’s not true, neither. But if I was smart enough to find my

of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.

way out of this wood, that would be enough for me.

TITANIA

Out of this wood do not desire to go:

Don’t strive to find your way out of this wood:

Thou shalt remain here, whether thou wilt or no.

You shall not leave here, even if you could.

I am a spirit of no common rate;

I’m not just any spirit, quite benign;

The summer still doth tend upon my state;

The summer waits upon each whim of mine;

And I do love thee: therefore, go with me;

And I do love you: therefore, come with me;

I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee,

My fairies will all serve you faithfully,

And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,

And from the sea, fetch gems and precious metals

And sing while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep;

And sing while you’re asleep on flattened petals;

And I will purge thy mortal grossness so

And I’ll remove your foul mortality

That thou shalt like an airy spirit go.

So that you’ll be a spirit, just like me.

Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! And Mustardseed!

Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! And Mustardseed!

PEASEBLOSSOM

Ready.

I’m ready.

COBWEB

And I.

Me too.

MOTH

And I.

And me.

MUSTARDSEED

And I.

And me.

ALL

Where shall we go?

Where shall we go?

TITANIA

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman;

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman;

Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes;

Dance as he walks and frolic in his eyes;

Feed him with apricocks and dewberries,

Feed him with apricots and dewberries,

With purple grapes, green figs and mulberries;

With purple grapes, green figs and mulberries;

The honey-bags steal from the humble-bees,

Steal honey from the honeycomb of bees,

And for night-tapers crop their waxen thighs

Make candles from the beeswax on their thighs

And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes,

And light them on the glow-worm’s fiery eyes,

To have my love to bed and to arise;

To guide my love to bed and to arise;

And pluck the wings from painted butterflies

And pluck the wings from coloured butterflies

To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes:

Then fan away the moonbeams from his eyes:

Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.

Bow, elves, and serve him with your courtesies.

PEASEBLOSSOM

Hail, mortal!

Greetings, mortal!

COBWEB

Hail!

Greetings!

MOTH

Hail!

Greetings!

MUSTARDSEED

Hail!

Greetings!

BOTTOM

I cry your worship's mercy, heartily: I beseech your

Sincerely, please forgive me, sir: I ask you tell me your

worship's name.

worship’s name.

COBWEB

Cobweb.

Cobweb.

BOTTOM

I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master

I would like to get to know you better, dear Master

Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I shall make bold with

Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I will wrap you around

you. Your name, honest gentleman?

my wound. And what is your name, honest gentleman?

PEASEBLOSSOM

Peaseblossom.

Peaseblossom.

BOTTOM

I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash,

I ask you to send my best wishes to Mistress Unripe-Peapod,

your mother, and to Master Peascod, your father.

your mother, and to Master Ripe-Peapod, your father.

Good Master Peaseblossom, I shall desire you of more

Good Master Peaseblossom, I would like to get to know you

acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech you, sir?

better too. And what is your name please, sir?

MUSTARDSEED

Mustardseed.

Mustardseed.

BOTTOM

Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well:

Good Master Mustardseed, I know how you have suffered,

that same cowardly, giant-like ox-beef hath

because so many portions of roast beef have been

devoured many a gentleman of your house: I promise

devoured, consuming many people from your family. I assure

you your kindred had made my eyes water ere now.

you your brethren made my eyes water many times before.

I desire your more acquaintance, good Master Mustardseed.

I should like to get to know you better, Master Mustardseed.

TITANIA

Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bed.

Look after him, and take him to my bed.

The moon methinks looks with a watery eye;

I think the moon might start to cry and groan,

And when she weeps, weeps every little flower,

And when she cries, each flower drops its head,

Lamenting some enforced chastity.

In sadness someone’s forced to sleep alone.

Tie up my love's tongue; bring him silently.

Tie up my lover’s tongue; bring him in silence.