Henry V – Act 2 Scene 1

BARDOLPH

Well met, Corporal Nym.

It’s good to see you, Corporal Nym.

NYM

Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.

Good day to you, Lieutenant Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet?

Are you and standard-bearer Pistol friends yet?

NYM

For my part, I care not: I say little; but when

For my part, I don’t care; I do not say much. But when

time shall serve, there shall be smiles; but that

the time is right, we’ll smile at each other; but that

shall be as it may. I dare not fight; but I will

will be as it will be. I don’t dare fight, but I will

wink and hold out mine iron: it is a simple one; but

wink and hold out my sword: it’s a simple sword, but

what though? It will toast cheese, and it will

so what? I can toast cheese on it and it will

endure cold as another man's sword will: and

survive the cold as well as any man’s sword. And

there's an end.

that’s that.

BARDOLPH

I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and

I’ll buy you both breakfast so you can make up;

we'll be all three sworn brothers to France: let it

we’ll be old comrades heading to France. Do it,

be so, good Corporal Nym.

decent Corporal Nym.

NYM

Faith, I will live so long as I may, that's the

I tell you, I’ll survive as long as I can, that’s the

certain of it; and when I cannot live any longer, I

truth of it; and when my days are done, I’ll

will do as I may: that is my rest, that is the

do whatever I like. That’s all I have to say

rendezvous of it.

about it.

BARDOLPH

It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell

It is a fact, corporal, that he is married to Nell

Quickly: and certainly she did you wrong; for you

Quickly; and she certainly did wrong by you, for you

were troth-plight to her.

were engaged to her.

NYM

I cannot tell: things must be as they may: men may

I don’t understand it: things are as they are. For men might

sleep, and they may have their throats about them at

be asleep with their throats exposed at the same

that time; and some say knives have edges. It must

time…and some say that knives have sharp edges. It is

be as it may: though patience be a tired mare, yet

what it is: although my patience has nearly worn out, I’ll carry

she will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I

on being patient. There will have to be an end to this. Well, I

cannot tell.

don’t know what will happen.

BARDOLPH

Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife: good

Here comes Ensign Pistol and his wife: good

corporal, be patient here. How now, mine host Pistol!

soldier, wait here. How are you, my host Pistol?

PISTOL

Base tyke, call'st thou me host? Now, by this hand,

You simple child, do you call me a host? Now, with this hand,

I swear, I scorn the term; Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.

I swear, I reject that title. Nor will my wife Nell take in lodgers.

HOSTESS

No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge and

No, I certainly won’t, for we cannot put up and

board a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that live

feed twelve to fourteen decent women that earn

honestly by the prick of their needles, but it will

an honest living sewing without it being

be thought we keep a bawdy house straight.

thought that we are running a brothel.

[NYM AND PISTOL DRAW]

O well a day, Lady, if he be not drawn now! We

Oh deary me, my Lady, if he hasn’t gone and drawn his sword!

shall see wilful adultery and murder committed.

This will descend into adultery and murder.

BARDOLPH

Good lieutenant! Good corporal! Offer nothing here.

Good lieutenant! Good corporal! Don’t fight each other here.

NYM

Pish!

Psshh!

PISTOL

Pish for thee, Iceland dog! Thou prick-eared cur of Iceland!

Psshh to you, Icelandic dog! You pointed-eared Icelandic mutt!

HOSTESS

Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour and put up your sword.

Corporal Nym, show your bravery by putting your sword away.

NYM

Will you shog off? I would have you solus.

Will you shove off? I want to fight you solo.

PISTOL

'Solus,' egregious dog? O viper vile!

‘Solo’, disgusting dog? Oh, vulgar snake!

The 'solus' in thy most mervailous face;

I’ll shove your ‘solo’ in your fancy face;

The 'solus' in thy teeth, and in thy throat,

The ‘solo’ in your teeth, and in your throat,

And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy,

And in your hate-filled lungs and stomach, damn you,

And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth!

And, even worse, within your nasty mouth!

I do retort the 'solus' in thy bowels;

And I will shove your ‘solo’ in your bowels;

For I can take, and Pistol's cock is up,

For I can take it, and my cock is up,

And flashing fire will follow.

And next a bang will come.

NYM

I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an

I’m not the devil; you can’t just make me materialise. I am

humour to knock you indifferently well. If you grow

inclined to punch you in the face. If you get

foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my

nasty with me, Pistol, I’ll cut you with my

rapier, as I may, in fair terms: if you would walk

sword, as I’m entitled to do, fair and square. If you walk

off, I would prick your guts a little, in good

away, I might stab you gently in the guts, which would

terms, as I may: and that's the humour of it.

be fair, as I’m entitled to do it. And that’s the way it goes.

PISTOL

O braggart vile and damned furious wight!

You vulgar show-off and revolting fellow!

The grave doth gape, and doting death is near;

Your grave has opened, and your death is coming;

Therefore exhale.

So take your last breath.

BARDOLPH

Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes the

Now listen to what I’ve got to say: the first person to

first stroke, I'll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.

swipe his sword will be sliced apart by me, for I’m a soldier.

[Draws]

PISTOL

An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.

A highly charged commitment; and I’ll calm down.

Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give:

Give me your hand, your paw, give it to me:

Thy spirits are most tall.

You are in very high spirits.

NYM

I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair

I’ll cut your throat before too long, and I’ll do it

terms: that is the humour of it.

fairly: that’s just the way it’s going to go.

PISTOL

'Couple a gorge!'

‘Couple a gorge!’

That is the word. I thee defy again.

That’s what I say. I’ll challenge you again.

O hound of Crete, think'st thou my spouse to get?

You Cretan dog, you think you’ll pinch my wife?

No; to the spital go,

Oh no you won’t; go to the poor man’s sickhouse,

And from the powdering tub of infamy

And where they treat venereal disease,

Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid's kind,

Bring out the leper whore, like Cressida,

Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse:

Who’s called Doll Tearsheet, you can marry her.

I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly

I have the girl once known as Mistress Quickly,

For the only she; and – pauca, there's enough. Go to.

And I’ll love only her; so clear off. That’s it.

BOY

Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and

My host Pistol, you’ve been summoned by my master, and

you, hostess: he is very sick, and would to bed.

you as well, hostess: he is very sick and needs to get to bed.

Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and

Dear Bardolph, put your face between his sheets and

do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he's very ill.

do your job to warm him up. Indeed, he’s very ill.

BARDOLPH

Away, you rogue!

Clear off, you dick!

HOSTESS

By my troth, he'll yield the crow a pudding one of

I tell you, he’ll die and make food for crows one of

these days. The king has killed his heart. Good

these days. The king broke his heart. Dear

husband, come home presently.

husband, come home soon.

BARDOLPH

Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to

Come on, can I make you two be friends again? We have to

France together: why the devil should we keep

go to France together: why on earth should we have

knives to cut one another's throats?

knives to cut one another’s throats?

PISTOL

Let floods o'erswell, and fiends for food howl on!

Let rivers flood and villains scream for food!

NYM

You'll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?

Will you pay me the eight shillings I won from you in a bet?

PISTOL

Base is the slave that pays.

Only a cowardly pauper would pay that.

NYM

That now I will have: that's the humour of it.

I’ll have it now: that’s just the way it goes.

PISTOL

As manhood shall compound: push home.

Let’s fight like men: come on then.

BARDOLPH

By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I'll

Whoever makes the first thrust, with my sword I will

kill him; by this sword, I will.

kill him; with this sword, I will.

PISTOL

'Sword' is an oath, and oaths must have their course.

‘By this sword’ is an oath, and must be honoured.

BARDOLPH

Corporal Nym, an thou wilt be friends, be friends:

Corporal Nym, if you will be friends, be friends;

an thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too.

but if you won’t be friends, then be an enemy to me too.

Prithee, put up.

Come on, put your sword away.

NYM

I shall have my eight shillings I won of you at betting?

So will I get my eight shillings I won from you in a bet?

PISTOL

A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;

Right now I’ll give a gold coin worth just less;

And liquor likewise will I give to thee,

Then I’ll buy you a drink to pay the difference,

And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood:

And we’ll be friends again and stand as brothers.

I'll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me;

I’ll live for Nym, and Nym will live for me;

Is not this just? For I shall sutler be

Is that not fair? For I will be a trader

Unto the camp, and profits will accrue.

In camp and I will make a lot of profit.

Give me thy hand.

Give me your hand.

NYM

I shall have my noble?

You’ll give me my gold coin?

PISTOL

In cash most justly paid.

In cash, fairly paid.

NYM

Well, then, that's the humour of't.

Well, then, that’s just how it goes.

HOSTESS

As ever you came of women, come in quickly to Sir

If you were ever born of a woman, come in quickly to see Sir

John. Ah, poor heart! He is so shaked of a burning

John Falstaff. Ah, poor thing! He is shaking so much from a

quotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable to

burning fever all day, that it is awful to see

behold. Sweet men, come to him.

him. Dear men, come and see him.

NYM

The king hath run bad humours on the knight; that's

The king has treated this knight badly; that’s

the even of it.

the truth of the matter.

PISTOL

Nym, thou hast spoke the right;

You’ve said the truth there, Nym;

His heart is fracted and corroborate.

There’s evidence to show his heart is broken.

NYM

The king is a good king: but it must be as it may;

The king is a good king, but we have to accept some things:

he passes some humours and careers.

he has his moods and certain ways about him.

PISTOL

Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins we will live.

Let’s mourn the knight; for, lambs, we will outlive him.